Paradigm Shifts

Paradigm Shifts

I had planned on this post incorporating a broad range of paradigm shifts, like all those currently unfolding across our planet, plus my own more personal one. I’d already written a raft of material on it all, predominantly with reference to the current extremist activities unfolding in many countries, dominated by the conflict of increasingly radical left ideologies with more conservative movements.

The best laid plans…

The more I wrote, the less ‘right’ it felt to write it.

I need this to be personal. Or at least, that voice within me which flows with its own healing correctness, as it did in my previous post, wants this to be personal.

I’m not sure if ‘wants’ is the right word per se. Perhaps a better way of phrasing it might be that this voice within is encouraging me to make these posts more personal. As I keep telling myself, I do not know what I am doing & I do not know what’s best for me. But I do believe my inner voice does, because that inner voice has a direct line to something greater than me egoic physical self. It is, perhaps, actually the voice of that greater something, filtered through my ego into something I can claim as my own, something I can control, the message weakened & undoubtedly distorted by the filtration. Understanding the message with any degree of confidence becomes that much harder.

My own paradigm shift currently seems to involve pulling away from too much engagement in & focus upon a lot of what is transpiring out there in the world I perceive. As attractive & distracting as the egoic part of me finds that aspect of the world we live in, the other part of me pushing more to the fore is steering increasingly away from it.

I guess it’s the challenge with any dramatic shift of perspective, any process of awakening: there is a period of conflict, when the redundant part of oneself which wishes to remain asleep is curled up under the sheets, hiding from what lies beyond, clinging to whatever dreams it has conjured. Meanwhile there is another, greater part of oneself emerging, endeavouring to wake you up, to show what you’re missing out on. 

I’m trying to wake up. I have, at some level, been endeavouring to do that since my teenage years, gravitating toward more alternative & esoteric subjects before I even knew what was attracting me.

There have been a range of shifts throughout my life. Small ones. Sometimes almost imperceptible. But there nonetheless. Each one has built upon the last one. Some have been more dramatic, yet still nothing so life altering that those around me might have felt I was having a breakdown or needed therapy. Each step forward that I’ve taken has appeared as nothing more than an evolution of what I have shown an interest in before.

Now, however, things feel different. This current shift feels more transformative in some way, more…radical. I am increasingly feeling like this one will have greater repercussions, because there’s this sense that it’s cutting into some of my deepest belief systems. I am finally being brought face to face with my resistance to faith, to God, to all things so easily perceived as being religious.

I am NOT a religious person. Spiritual, yes. Believing in a higher power of some sort, a higher intelligence, a divine creator even, yes. But this whole area of my life, especially when considering any more religious connotations, is fraught with conflict & layered with resistance.

I can’t pinpoint anything specific within my life that might generate such conflicts, certainly not within this current lifetime. Yet there are enough situations throughout my life that tap into my ego, that trigger me on a cluster of subjects around will, authority figures, freedom of choice. This is also about fear. None of my egoic concerns can be contemplated without incorporating a consideration of whatever layers of fear are intertwined within their structure, because they all ultimately spring from some level of fear. Where God is love, ego is fear.

This is where I struggle to resist prattling out what I’ve read and I believe. Yet perhaps I need to express some of those words more specifically here, for I feel I’m beginning to flounder with my own words. SO! paraphrased very slightly from within the pages of A Course In Miracles:

I am here only to be truly helpful.

I am here to represent You Who sent me.

I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because You Who sent me will direct me.

I am content to be where You wish, knowing You go there with me.

I will be healed as I let You teach me to heal.

I have that pasted onto the base of my computer. Words to focus on every day when I’m at my desk.

I am NOT a religious person, yet I find myself in the position where I feel compelled to adopt commonly accepted religious words & terms to communicate my new perspective with the world. God. Jesus Christ. Holy Spirit.

Words may be no more & no less than symbols, but my ego has layered those particular symbols with a complex mix of thoughts & emotions for me. And as much as I’ve found myself developing a new appreciation for religious devotion & for the generally stronger & more positive moral & ethical foundation emanating from those raised with some level of religion in their lives, I am still apprehensive. I do not trust blind devotion. Faith benefits from questioning.

And then of course there is the utterly non-dualistic nature of what lies within the pages of A Course In Miracles.

God is real.

This life that we are dreaming is not real. 

The Holy Spirit, as the Voice of God, is here to return us from our slumber, to awaken us from our dreams of insanity. Jesus is that awakening made manifest within the dream. He is our example, our guiding light. We are not separate from God. We never have been. No matter how much we may presently believe it.

I am doing my best to embrace this. And it’s a struggle. I know I’m slowly but surely progressing, but sometimes that progress feels especially slow. How do I live in the world, but remain in the present moment as much as possible, remembering that I am not of the world? This is my challenge, & it’s a challenge that feels like it’s reaching some form of climax. My paradigm shift unfolding within me.

I wish I could just snap my fingers & it would be done already. But that’s my ego talking.

And so I try, when I’m not blogging here or in my journal, when I’m not distracted with worldly  matters, to be still. I meditate. I empty myself of as much ‘stuff’ as possible. I listen for His voice. I wait.

I know that what I am waiting for will come through me, not from me. And hopefully, what I’m waiting for, that paradigm shift in how I interact with this experience, how I move forward with my process of awakening, will be soon. 

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